Bad at Marketing Myself
and do I really wanna change that?
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I see the way people market themselves and their “offerings” online and I feel jealous, judgmental and apathetic. I see people who have hundreds of paid subscribers on here act like they have zero. I see people who ask their subscribers every other week, “what will make you become a paid subscriber?!” I obviously don’t know everyone’s financial issues, but sometimes I feel over-marketed to and I don’t want to do that to others. On the flip side, I probably don’t do enough marketing because of my own weirdness around it.
It just feels really hard to be a writer and get paid for it. It’s also a shitty reminder that having a following on any social media app does not automatically equate to paid anything.
I continue to hemorrhage followers on my Instagram, but 226K people have stuck around so far. This following is what keeps me stuck on Instagram, to be honest. It’s also what makes me feel even worse that I don’t have a silly orange checkmark next to my publication here on Substack. A part of me wants to delete it all… the Instagram, the Substack, everything.
I’m tired of trying to think of attention-grabbing offerings I could add to entice people to become paid subscribers. I’ve tried various things and it’s just not what the people want. It’s hard to not take this personally as though I’m just not what the people want, but there isn’t anything I can do about that.
I have a book out and I naively thought that would change things. There are people I thought would share about it who haven’t. There are people who clearly don’t care and that is their right. I am becoming more and more disillusioned with online spaces, online “friends,” online bullshit. I’m interested in collaboration, but I feel a sharp pull towards isolation instead.
Why am I telling you this? Because I can’t fake anything. I’m also just really struggling in my 9-5 job currently, which makes everything feel harder. Also to say that I am rethinking how I show up here. I’m rethinking my paid subscriptions. I’m rethinking all of it. If you have any words of wisdom or feedback, please let me know.
I appreciate all of you here. Thank you for seeing me and liking what you see (for the most part, ha).
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Fiona Apple covering Neil Young:
I get it. And as this is my introduction to your work, I am now curious to learn more. I am a clinical therapist and artist and the pressure to market in certain ways is ridiculous. I am someone that values my own time over being online or in social situations. I am not tied to my work and prefer to be not working at all! I cringe at some of the ways people describe (and sell) themselves and their work while also impressed- definitely in conflict with the cringe. I don't even have a blog because it takes such a commitment. I make art for myself or give it away for free. I am in awe of certain websites while also turned off by anything too slick, too well-crafted to the point of perfection. I simply prefer having real time interactions. Sometimes it feels impossible to compete with those with more marketing savvy. I think I just get overwhelmed. Maybe one way to keep it attainable is to define what is most important, what you are willing to do or not do, and then let the rest lie in peace. I may choose to do the same.
I don’t have any advice. I gave up on trying to write “online” a long time ago. The emergence of Substack made me think it *might* be worth pursuing again. But I’m seeing more and more that it’s not. And as someone who works full time (also as a writer) and is a mom, it’s just not feasible for me to carve out time to write online and not get paid to do it. I’ve also contemplated writing a book, but again, it’s hard to carve out time to write in my personal life for something that may not sell. And, frankly, because I expend so much of my creative energy at work, there’s often very little left over for me at the end of the day. It’s frustrating and exhausting. I don’t know what the answers are. But I see you, and your feelings are valid.