I Am Afraid Of My Own Heartbeat

[CN: discussion on death, anxiety]

I am afraid of my own heartbeat.

Feeling it,
hearing it;
the bustle of the beat
like a countdown to death.

It feels too heavy; too important.

I don’t always like knowing that I’m alive.

To know that I’m alive means to know I will die. To know that I’m alive means to know my trauma. Intimately. Repeatedly.

I have a friend wh…