Leftovers from the week of April 11
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Hi Dear Readers,
It’s a balmy and damp spring day as I write this. I don’t hate it, but I don’t especially like it either. It feels heavy, like all of the world’s issues do.
Spring is always difficult for me. Most people talk about “grieving” and “tending” to grief around fall or winter, but I seem to grieve the most in spring—just as things are blooming.
Lately, I’ve been grieving the life I thought I would have. I thought things would look different at this point in my life. I thought I would have certain things; thought I would be past certain things. Some things I don’t even want, but it feels somber to see everyone around you pass you by in societally expected, heteronormative ways.
I have never fit in. I have never done things in the “right” way. Being neurodivergent sort of makes this all impossible from the get-go. You’d think I’d feel comfortable or even at peace with this, since it’s all I’ve ever known. But my different way of being; my different way of thinking, when held up to others, still makes me hurt sometimes.
I mostly enjoy being me. I am my own best friend. I am my best company.
I grieve for what I thought I would have at this big age of 36 (yes, I’m aware this isn’t “old,” but it’s the oldest I’ve ever been). I grieve for all the lives I could have had. I grieve for the feelings I thought I would have. I grieve for the experiences I thought I would have. I grieve for the sensations I thought I would have. I grieve for the things I thought I would still want, but don’t any longer. I grieve it all.
I take solace in the waves and impermanence of my life, and the fact that life just is until it isn’t.
Enjoy this week’s Leftovers,
Reading List 🔖
American Women Are Not Okay - Lyz Lenz
Violence against Asian women is on the rise. Women are drinking more. Dating less. Marrying less. Divorcing more. Our mental health is abysmal. America still has the highest maternal mortality rate among developed nations. And oh yeah, we are being forced back into offices and facing down a summer of inconsistent and expensive childcare (if it’s even available). Whatever help we were getting from the government is now gone. No more beefed-up unemployment benefits. The childcare tax credit, which greatly reduced child poverty, is also gone. And the increase in inflation is hitting women the hardest.
The Carceral Logic of Child Welfare - Lyra Walsh Fuchs
The idea that the U.S. child welfare system endangers children may seem surprising, especially to those who haven’t interacted with it, or to those who have read the tragic headlines that appear when a child is harmed. But as Roberts argues in her new book, “tragic cases of child abuse continue to appear even under the watch of the toughest child protection regimes. Children fall through the cracks not because child welfare agencies are devoting too many resources to family support. Children fall through the cracks because agencies are devoting too many resources to investigations and child removal.”
Digital Security and Abortion - Digital Defense Fund
This page is organized into different security-related threats. You can jump to the ones that most concern you. Along with each scenario is a list of digital security tips to neutralize the threat!
The Valleys Are Burning: Inside Wales’ Booming Ballroom Scene - Emma Garland
“Because we’re the first Welsh ballroom community we have to honour being Welsh and bring that into what we do,” says Leighton. Welsh identity is such a strong theme in their work that they’ve been invited to showcase ballroom at this year’s Eisteddfod [festival], and they’re already thinking of ideas of how to come out.
Why Do We Aspire To Live Alone? - Haley Nahman
Today, a person’s ability to live alone is usually an indicator of their financial position, so when we equate living with roommates as a signpost for arrested development, what we really mean is you can’t grow up without making more money. But I wonder what it would look like for financial or personal growth to lead to different, better kinds of communal living instead of an exit from it altogether. Living with roommates doesn’t have to mean living like a college student. You could argue that learning to live well with others is a more useful and applicable skill than learning to live well by yourself, but maybe that’s too prescriptive.
Putin’s Attack on Ukraine is an Attack on Its Language: Poetry by Kateryna Kalytko - Literary Hub
Kateryna Kalytko is a poet, prose writer, and translator who grew up in the central Ukrainian city of Vinnytsia and attended Russian-language schools. She has spoken of her conscious choice, by the time she was a teenager, to write poetry in Ukrainian. When asked how her education in the Russian literary tradition affected her poetry, she has called this a “charge to protest.” For Kalytko, Russia’s history of cultural colonialism in Ukraine is a call to arms…
6 Databases Offered By Public Libraries To Know And Try - Abigail Clarkin
Books of Note 📚
Documenting Rebellions: A Study of Four Lesbian and Gay Archives in Queer Times - Rebecka Taves Sheffield (nonfiction)
Shady Hollow - Juneau Black (fiction)
A Magic Steeped in Poison - Judy I. Lin (young adult)
Change Sings: A Children's Anthem - Amanda Gorman (children’s book)
Real Phonies and Genuine Fakes - Nicky Beer (poetry)
The Modern Loss Handbook: An Interactive Guide to Moving Through Grief and Building Your Resilience -Rebecca Soffer (self-help)
[If you order any of the books above or any listed on my Bookshop site, a percentage goes to local bookstores and I get a small commission. Thank you for not ordering from Amazon!]
“Too Much” - HONEYMOAN
”Sex Is Good (But Have You Tried)” - Donna Missal
”I Can’t Shake The Stranger Out Of You” - Lavender Country
”Color In Your Cheeks” - Ibibio Sound Machine
”Nobody Knows We Are Fun” - Chai
Mood Board 💓
Self-Care + Good Things ☕
My new mint polaroid camera. Vitamin D from sunlight. Lamb cake from the local German bakery (it’s a pound cake in the shape of a lamb covered in dark chocolate). Watching the lil food delivery robots on campus. Watching “Insecure” finally. Finishing a book about winter and magic. Starting a book about cute animals solving a murder.