Lift Me Out Of The Wound

You Can't Rush The Process

Beautiful letterpress art by Ben Blount. I recently bought all three!

✨A few things✨

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Hi Dear Readers,

As my body begins to relax more, my brain is creating trauma stories. I am, again, feeling scared to be in my body. I am, again, feeling like I can’t trust my body (and I so badly want to trust it).

Last Thursday, I was bent over the bathroom sink washing my face when my back spasmed. A pain I had not felt before ran from my low back to my glute, to my calf. I felt like I was going to pass out. After spending some quality time at Urgent Care on Saturday, I was diagnosed with Left Side Sciatica brought on by weightlifting. I was given pain meds and muscle relaxants.

I’m doing much better, but the physical pain shook something loose—a past medical trauma from my youth. I don’t do well with physical pain. I have a very low pain tolerance. I am fortunate to not have had much physical pain—aside from breaking my arm one summer long ago and stomach pain from my teenage years. I have not had pain that messed with my mobility. This recent pain made it difficult for me to walk, to sit, to stand, to lay down. I truly did not know how awful Sciatica was. What a learning experience in compassion and empathy.

Dealing with emotional pain and physical pain at the same time feels unfair. I just want to be lifted out of the wound already. I just want to be me again—no longer a ghost.

I can’t rush the process
You can’t rush your process
We all have to process our process
So we can begin again

xL<3

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Reading List 🔖

In Fear Of Forgetting - Haley Nahman
Looking at my camera roll now, the primary story it tells about the trip is that I’d been terrified of forgetting it. And that was true. I was also terrified of not having the best time of my entire life, which is a good way to siphon the joy out of your vacation like it’s an air mattress you’re trying to fold and store for later use. Fortunately there was joy to spare. Sicily is one of the most magical places I’ve ever visited. But looking at my photos doesn’t really feel like being there, which is something I might have considered before taking so many.

Pittsburgh Sex Worker on Why Monkeypox Vaccine Access Needs Expanded - Jessie Sage
While the World Health Organization has declared monkeypox to be a global public health emergency, sex workers who are working to be proactive in protecting ourselves, our partners, and our clients against the virus are, as of now, being actively thwarted by the state. This feels perverse when sex work continues to be heavily stigmatized and criminalized in part because of the perception (by the government no less) of sex workers as disease vectors.

Trusting Body - Jennifer Patterson
Slow down, my body is saying. And wow I would love to but how does one without wealth in this lifetime, not to mention lack of generational wealth, slow down? How can we listen to our bodies when the demand of capitalism also requires us to keep doing, keep showing up? How can we listen to our bodies and slow down when we actually love and feel resourced by our work? I’ve been deep in these questions the last couple years and now, action is needed.

Belabored: Delivery Workers Stuck in Searing Heat - Sarah Jaffe & Michelle Chen
You might be surprised to learn that those trucks are not air conditioned. UPS workers have taken to social media to post pictures of thermometers—sometimes reading well over 110 degrees Fahrenheit—from inside their vehicles. According to the Teamsters, who represent some 350,000 UPS workers nationwide, workers have been getting sick and hospitalized from heat-related illnesses at an alarming rate.

The Complicated Genre of Anti-MLM YouTube - Julia Métraux
Anti-MLM content is fairly new in comparison to MLMs. For the past few decades, members would mostly sell their products to their neighbors and family members within their immediate communities. But social media has expanded MLM’s scope as a recruiting tool—and for people to speak out against MLMs. If you’re interested in this, I wrote about MLMs here.

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Librarianship 🌻

Librarian Sues Over Accusations That Kids’ Section Contains “Erotic” Books

The Librarian Who Defied The Taliban

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Books of Note 📚

Nobody Is Protected: How the Border Patrol Became the Most Dangerous Police Force in the United States - Reece Jones (nonfiction)

Unwieldy Creatures - Addie Tsai (fiction)

If You Could See the Sun - Ann Liang (young adult)

My Two Border Towns - David Bowles (children’s book)

Swollening - Jason Purcell (poetry)

Be Not Afraid of Love: Lessons on Fear, Intimacy, and Connection - Mimi Zhu (self-help)

[If you order any of the books above or any listed on my Bookshop site, a percentage goes to local bookstores and I get a small commission. Thank you for not ordering from Amazon!]

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Affirmation 🔮

💖I find some morsel of hope each day💖

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Playlist 🎵

“Cozy” - Beyonce
”Terrorize My Heart (Disco Dub)” - 79.5
”You Gave Me The Key” - Julie Doiron
”Nothing” - Santigold
”A Month Or Two” - Odie Leigh

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Mood Board 💓

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Self-Care + Good Things ☕

Muscle relaxants. Walking with Mamma. Cold-calling friends. Texting with friends. Epsom salt baths. Witnessing monarchs, gold finches, and bats.