Migraines are excellent teachers

I hate them, though

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I had a migraine last Sunday—the first of the year for me, which I’m grateful for since the year prior I had several. I took Advil, cried, and tried to sleep.

Migraines are excellent teachers. As someone who chronically wants to flee their body when it feels pain or discomfort, having a migraine doesn’t allow me to this—at least not as easily. I can’t watch anything, I can’t write, I can’t read. I have to just lay there in my dark bedroom with an ice pack on my head. There is no distraction I can run to. I try to do one of my somatic experiencing exercises of noticing where in my body feels neutral. I usually end up focusing on my fingers or toes—the extremities that are the furthest away from my torso and head. This exercise doesn’t cure or fix anything, but it can give me reprieve when I’m overwhelmed with discomfort.

In migraine times, my brain becomes a murky, mushy mess. I can’t think, which can be of some comfort since I can’t ruminate like I typically do. I start to get impatient like a child. I want to do what I want to do! I want to play with my toys!

With particularly bad migraines, like the one I just had, I typically feel hungover for a few days afterwards. Like aftershocks from an earthquake, my brain feels like it’s recalibrating. It’s trying to get back into place. This migraine took me out of book writing for the majority of the week, which felt cruel and upsetting.

I’m still not “good” at being sick. I still seem to wail about things that most people barely notice in themselves, or if they do, their pain tolerance is much higher than mine.

Living is hard, for all of us, and we just keep doing it, which shows our resilience. I am continuously reminded that I do not and cannot shatter. I just feel like I might sometimes.

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10. Back to listening to Black Belt Eagle Scout: