Money Story

and an enormous thank you

Rage & Softness is reader-supported! Thank you to the folks who pay monthly to support my work. If you want to upgrade to paid, go here.

• Add your favorite song to the newsletter Playlist!

• Please “heart” or share my writing with your community and comrades! Forward this email to a friend, put it in your own newsletter, screenshot and share it on social media.

• If you would like to pay for a subscription, but don’t want to do so through Substack, you can pay via my Venmo or PayPal. Also, if you’d like a paid subscription, but can’t afford it, please email me and I’ll add you—no questions asked.

via

*This is my last newsletter of the year for free subscribers! If you want to get on the paid plan, which is now just $35/yr or $5/month, please do so!*

---

My darling darlings,

I’m here today feeling incredibly grateful, but even more than that—the word doesn’t suffice. It is the day after my 39th birthday and because of you and your generosity, I was able to enroll in the group study death doula program through Going with Grace. I’ve paid the enrollment fee in full for the course, which starts in mid-January. I have some required reading and a “death” journal to purchase. I’m excited to bring you all along on this journey.

I am always amazed at people’s kindness. I often feel like nobody gives a damn about me—except for a handful of loved ones who know me offline. It’s not that money changes this, but the amount of people who contributed something just so I could expand my learning and gain a new skill surprised and shocked me. Many of you wrote such kind things about me, and though it’s hard for me to take in compliments, I allowed myself to feel your words even at just one percent—and that felt incredible.

I don’t like asking for money (does anyone?). I was comfortably middle/upper-class until the age of four when my parents divorced. The change from living in a two-income household to two separate, one-income households was noticeable, even as a child. I began seeing houses with an upstairs as “rich people” houses. My parents were never poor and my brother and I mostly got what we needed (and wanted).

My older brother and sister-in-law have a very different money life than I do. They both work in tech and have two children, living in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. It’s hard to not feel like a failure when I compare myself. I am almost 40 and this is where I am? That’s just how the cookie crumbled.

My adult story with money is fraught. I’m not good with it. I don’t make enough. I have had the privilege of my parents bailing me out of situations. Part of my issue with money is related to my dyscalculia. I don’t say this as an excuse per se, but it kind of is. This also means that my brain has to work harder at understanding finances, which, to be frank, I sometimes just don’t want to do. I am lucky to have parents to help as much as mine do, but I also know they can’t always do this—and they won’t be around forever. I know that I would be houseless, if it weren’t for my parents.

My savings is… sad. I live with my mom because of this. I spend the most money on vitamins/supplements, books, and streaming services. I am trying to downsize (the books and the streaming services, at least). I was previously (as of last spring) in student loan debt and then more recently credit card debt. The student loans have disappeared since I’m in my 10th year of service working for a university (I was on the Public Service Loan Forgiveness plan) and my credit card debt is finally paid off. I can now start saving money.

All of this to say… your generosity and support of my work means the world to me. I’m so excited for you to see my book cover and hopefully you’ll want to spend time with my book when it comes out in March ‘25!

Anyway, I’m closing up shop here for free subscribers until January. I have family coming into town next week and I want to spend as much time with them as I possibly can. I will be publishing a “Best Of” list for paid subscribers in the next week or so.

THANK YOU ALL!
-lgxxoo

1. When Green Flags Feel Like Red Flags -

   CARESCAPES

2. Illness and the Myth of Strength -

   Things That Don't Suck

3. Insurance Denials, Chronic Pain, and a Nation’s Rage - Kelly Hayes

4. The Supreme Court Won’t Save Us — It Was Founded to Defend White Supremacy - Claudia Garcia-Rojas

5. Are you misbehaving in your parasocial relationships? - Vilissa Thompson

6. Beloved poet Nikki Giovanni has died at 81 - Brittany Allen

7. Pornhub Sees Surge of Interest in Tradwife Content, ‘Modesty,’ and Mindfulness - Samantha Cole

8. Who Gets to Kill? -

   New Means

9. Put some respect on my ancestry:

   lachristagreco

   

   A post shared by @lachristagreco

10. This song on repeat: