No One Is Coming To Save You
I have been in a waiting room my entire life
I have been in a waiting room my entire life.
Maybe it’s my Cancer rising, maybe it’s remnants of my pockmarked childhood, but ever since I can remember, I have been waiting to be:
saved
discovered
healed
I have been wanting the destination—not the journey.
I’m 37 and realizing that I still very much have been waiting for these three things. They live in the background of my life set up like a large projection screen. I watch them to feel hopeful. I watch them so I don’t feel alone. But watching these three in their groundless dance only continue to feed me falsities.
When I say “saved,” I don’t mean in a religious sense—though perhaps there is some spirituality component. What I actually mean is being saved by people, by community, by love. But then that makes it sound like I need saving. Do I need saving? Perhaps we all do to some degree. Saved from circumstances. Saved from loneliness. Saved from pain. I think I want to be saved from myself, in the end, though.
When I say “discovered,” I mean it in the way that everyone who doesn’t feel valued or appreciated hopes that someday someone/s will see them—truly see them—and shout out loud how great they are to others. “Discovered” as in I can make a cozy life getting paid for my writing and other art. “Discovered” as in I don’t have to try so hard to be seen.
When I say “healed,” I mean no more trauma brain; no more anxiety; no more feeling unsafe or hyper-vigilant every day. I mean arriving at the gorgeous retreat center of life. This doesn’t exist, of course. A state of “healed” doesn’t exist (unless we’re talking about broken bones, but even then, the body still remembers). Healing is all about the journey; there is no destination. There is no healed state. There is no certainty. There are shitty days and better days and everything in-between days.
All of this waiting—waiting for someone other than myself—makes me think of the Hopi Elders’ prophecy:
“We Are The Ones We’ve Been Waiting For”
You have been telling people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered…
Where are you living? What are you doing? What are your relationships? Are you in right relation? Where is your water?
Know your garden. It is time to speak your truth. Create your community. Be good to each other. And do not look outside yourself for your leader.
Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time! There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.
And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word ’struggle’ from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
No one is coming to save me, or you, or them, or her, or him.
No one is coming to discover me, or you, or them, or her, or him.
No one is coming to heal me, or you, or them, or her, or him.
May this not feel like a threat, but a beautiful promise to ourselves that we are the one’s we’ve been waiting for.
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✨Reminders✨
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This is such a good read and one that I needed. I am 39 and I have been feeling the absence of community in my last couple years. It’s a weight I’ve carried longer than I’ve realized and it’s one I’m ready to set down to make room to be present in what is. Thank you for this
Wow, I never saw any part of that saying besides the first line. So powerful.