Straddling Hope & Reality

SF trip, state of the world, and a reintroduction

I’ve been back from San Francisco for a little over a week now and everything around me feels heavy and bleak. I’m used to summer feeling this way, but things feel worse given everything going on in the world.

San Francisco was nice—it’s always nice—but it’s probably one of my least favorite cities and I only go there because my nephews live there. That being said, I enjoyed going to Coffee Movement (they make really excellent oat milk lattes), Breadbelly (they make a really interesting black sesame cappuccino and kaya buns—coconut-pandan cream filled milk bun, the color of which is electric green), Golden Gate Park, and Academy of Sciences. I also always get yummy Burmese food when I’m out there since we don’t have that here in Madison.

My nephews, who are 16 months and 4 years, are sweeties. I learned a lot about dinosaurs on this trip, since my 4-year-old nephew is obsessed with them. His current favorite is Parasaurolophus, which he pronounces better than I do. When I was little, I remember there only being, like, 5 dinosaurs. There are actually so many (I knew there were, but wow). My favorite is still Stegosaurus. She’s cute.

While the trip was good, it wasn’t necessarily a vacation—though I didn’t have to work my 9-5 job that week, so that was nice. And getting there was difficult, as someone who is becoming more and more afraid of flying. I took my dramamine and cried on each ascent and descent. Everything was smooth getting there, but the trip back was a real nightmare, though it could have been worse—at least we made it home.

A few days after I was home, the Air India flight crash happened and I’m still thinking about all of those people who lost their lives (and the sole survivor). Then, after being home for a little less than week, Israel decided to bomb Iran while they continue to starve those in Gaza.

I think one of my “superpowers,” if I can reframe things a bit and call it that, is that I’m able to always think about bad things happening to me and my loved ones (thanks cptsd!). I don’t think most USians can even fathom our lives being upended by war and bombs, but I have thought about it and “felt” into it for as long as I can remember. When I see images from Gaza, I think about what that’s like; I “feel” it as much as I possibly can and it’s terrifying. This isn’t at all the same as actually experiencing it. It’s also slightly different from compassion. It’s empathy on steroids, but some of it is definitely self-centered. I don’t necessarily like this, but it’s how my brain works (and has worked) for over twenty years.

It’s not great, but it’s at least something that makes me feel like I can “prepare” myself for what might come—even if I can’t in reality. But I do think of it as a superpower because it brings me closer to humanity. It shows me all the horrifying possibilities. It never works the other way, though. I can never “feel” something good that happens to another person—only something bad.

I am terrified of nuclear war and I have envisioned it—tried to “feel” into it—many times. I’m not ready to die, but I’m sure Gazans weren’t either, especially the children. I’m trying to remain hopeful—and typically that’s just my nature, I don’t have to try. However, straddling hope and reality is something I’m still learning how to do.

I hope I get to continue this learning for many years to come—and if not, well, I guess that’s okay, too.

***

I wanted to take this moment to reintroduce myself and my work. I sent out a similar text from Buttondown, but it didn’t sound like it made it to most of my subscribers due it being marked “suspicious.” So, if you’ve seen it, keep scrolling to the links. If not, here ya go!

I used to take a lot of selfies. Now, I hate it. Something to do with aging probably… perhaps I’ll write about it sometime.

• My name is Lachrista Greco, which literally translates from Italian to “The female Greek Christ.” My name is heavy. I used to hate it. I have ancestral roots in Calabria, Italy and Denmark. I lived in Italy briefly in college and grew up speaking some Italian with my nonno. These identities, specifically the Italian one, are important to me—possibly due to the fact that my name is not Anglo, and I have been othered because of it.

• I live on Ho-Chunk Land (Madison, Wisconsin)

• I am a writer, librarian (my current job is not this, but I definitely do “librarian” things in various aspects of my life), and death doula. I have previously been a consultant to organizations and universities on preventing digital violence (and teaching survivors how to cope). My 9-5 is at a university as an academic advisor.

• I have a lengthy academic background, but I don’t really consider myself an “academic,” because I have never felt included by the Academy. I have a Bachelor’s in English-Creative Writing, a Master’s in Women’s & Gender Studies, and an MLIS in Library & Information Science.

• I am perhaps best known for “Guerrilla Feminism,” which you can read about here. You can also read about it in my book.

• I hold various identities: white, bi femme, cis woman, rape survivor, neurodivergent/autistic, disabled (learning disabilities and mental illness stuff)

• I am a Sagittarius ☀️ stellium, Capricorn 🌑, and Cancer 🌅.

✨Rage & Softness✨ is a newsletter offering a unique view from someone who has been chronically online in feminist spaces since 2011. The byline is: “Radical vulnerability from your favorite Marxist feminist librarian death doula.” I have been in the newsletter space since I had a TinyLetter circa 2016.

This space will be personal essays, death doula things, and more. Why pay for a newsletter? To support the writer, of course! You can also choose to pay if you just appreciate the labor it takes to put together a newsletter each week as well as my things on Instagram. Currently, I can’t turn the paid option back on here, but you can Venmo me or PayPal me some cash for a coffee!

If you’re interested in my death doula services, please go here. If you’re interested in digital violence consulting for yourself or an organization, go here.

1. No more endless war, no more endless violence -

   J. P. Hill

2. You Will Be Complicit: My name has always been a decision to make. -

   Matrixial

3. Lies, Damn Lies, and Magazine Pieces: On the Cursed Art of Fact Checking - Isabel Clara Ruehl

4. The Unseen: Our crisis of work and technology is one in which too many people feel that nobody sees them as a fellow human being - Allison J. Pugh

5. Rethinking Banned Books Exhibits in the Library - Adam Beauchamp

6. Right-Wing “See You at the Library” Event Back in 2025; Partners with US Department of Education - Kelly Jensen

7. California Cops Investigate ‘Immigration Protest’ With AI-Camera System - Joseph Cox

8. Alabama Voters Banned Prison Slavery—But Prisoners Say It Hasn’t Stopped - Shaun Traywick

9. ‘It’s not worth the risk’: International students cancel travel amid Trump crackdown on free speech - Sofia Ahmed

10. The Progressive published an excerpt of my book! (It’s a little odd, because they took the intro and then added in some parts from a later chapter, but I think it works).

11. This song: