Summers Continue to Turn Into Fires
I want to run outside and touch grass, but I can’t in this heatwave
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There has been a three-day heatwave here in the midwest. The tree leaves are turning brown, but not because we’re close to autumn. The sun is over-feeding them. The temps are in the upper 90s (upper 30s in celsius), and let’s just say, the vibes are off.
I have written before about having summer seasonal affective disorder (the lesser known, lesser studied, and less believed mood disorder), and I’m very concerned about how my mental health will fair as summers continue to turn into fires (literally and figuratively). I also have climate anxiety, but that feels inadequate.
I have stayed in air conditioning these past few days, and while I’m grateful to have central ac, not being able to go outside can’t be good for my mental health. I am on screens more, I am less in my body, I am restless. I’ve noticed fewer birds, and I start to worry about all of our wildlife and what will become of every single living thing.
I do my silly little tasks. I work my silly little job. I write my silly little words. Having routine is incredibly necessary for me and my curly-haired neurodivergent self. But feeling locked away indoors is beginning to hurt.
I start to think about all of the parts of myself that feel “locked away,” hidden, restrained. I start to feel disgusted by how beholden I feel to social media apps and the internet in general. It’s not who I am, and yet, it is me. I crave a slow-moving, dynamic life; a life with fewer screens; fewer likes—even if the lack of attention tugs at my (already tender) self-confidence. I crave a life of movement and being outside daily for hours on end. I crave cool air where I can see my breath. I crave the both/and of feeling cold and cozy.
I want to run outside and touch grass, but I can’t in this heatwave, so I just gaze out my window to remember I am a small shape amongst so many bigger shapes. All of the vastness that is out there will still be there for me to touch another day.
Until then, I’ll stay in my homemade refrigerator, and try to find spaciousness here.
🫀 Mood Board for the Week
This piece from
:
I am very excited for this new video game
I always appreciate reading
‘s Substack:I had an amazing Creative Advising session with the one-and-only
! Thanks Mar ❤️🙏🏻Beautiful piece from
: “The heartbreaking truth is that not everyone is able or willing to receive our hurt as the gift that it is.”Thinking about my ex and listening to this:
On the podcast this month, I talked about going viral on TikTok and the weirdness of it all:
Get ready to share your Glimmers & Glows for August next Wednesday!
Who else watches the 90 Day Fiancé franchise? Should I start a thread about it? I need to talk to someone about it!
Kill Joy to Live Better - Mary Retta; a great interview with author Sara Ahmed
Yeahhh... I wrote about summer and fires and eco grief today too... summer is a lot to handle.
So well-written! Sending you the coolness of a waterfall 💙 p.s. yes please on the 90 Day Fiance thread! Just finished the UK version, so many thoughts!