The Difference Between Friends & Acquaintances for Neurospicy Folks

Ask Guerrilla Femme, my advice column, is back!

Welcome to Ask Guerrilla Femme. First thing’s first: I’m not a doctor. I’m not a therapist. I’m just a person who knows some stuff or at least knows how to find information (hi, librarian!)

As always, if you have a question, please submit here.

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How do you feel the difference between friends and acquaintances? (as a neurospicy)

-S.

Dear S., thank you so much for this question. When I first read it, I knew I would have a lot to say.

two of my 3 friends (Anju left, Kelly right)

As a neurospicy femme, I have had my share of friendship difficulties. I used to pray for friends. As a kid, I preferred one-on-one friend time when everyone else seemed to want group hangs. I also couldn’t understand how people even had a group of friends. Actual friends? Not just acquaintances? Early on, I made a subconscious distinction between friends and acquaintances. For me, friends were people I had a deep connection with; people who I could be completely myself with (and them with me). Acquaintances were people I would see once in a while or hang out with in a group of people.

When I would talk about the difference I felt between friends and acquaintances to my neurotypical friends, it was clear that they didn’t feel the same way. I remember getting upset with friends in the past with how easy friendship seemed to be for them. I still have trouble if friends of mine refer to anyone they ever talked to as a “friend.” I see this a lot in online spaces, too, where someone will refer to SO MANY PEOPLE as their “friend,” and it bothers me (even if I’m not in that person’s life). It’s something I frankly don’t understand. Friendship is sacred to me, and I can’t envision that sacredness being supported or sustained with more than a handful of people.