The Millennial Urge To Get Off Your SSRI
When you've been on an SSRI for 20 years
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I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine about our similar experience with SSRIs (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors). We’ve both been medicated since we were 17 (we are now 36 and 37). Getting on an anti-depressant as a teenager was absolutely necessary for both of us to survive the unique terror of being a teenage girl. We were both put on these meds due to traumatic incidences we experienced.
I was put on Zoloft at 17 after my three best friends ostracized me from the group and bullied me. It makes me sad and enraged when I think about how that was my only option. The bullying was not looked at as a trauma; it was just a thing that many kids go through. It was considered “not that bad” by the adults around me. Though my parents tried really hard to find ways to support me, they didn’t know what else to do (aside from getting me into a therapist and on meds).
What I find truly heartbreaking about this experience is that no adult ever informed me of what it would be like to be on this medication long-term. Granted, there aren’t a lot of downsides, and I don’t want to sound like I’m anti-medication (I’m so totally not). However, nobody informed me about how difficult it would be to ever decrease or wean off my meds. In the conversation with my friend, she also noted this: “It was just never even mentioned!” she said emphatically.
Recently, I’ve come across many social media posts and articles about people wanting to get off their SSRIs. I’m not going to link to these, because they could be triggering. These posts and articles discuss the desire (and terror) of getting off an SSRI. It appears to be mostly millennials who are considering decreasing or weaning off their meds. This makes sense. Our generation was the first to get put on them at an alarming rate. In the late 90s and early aughts, medication stigma lessened since the time of Boomers and Gen X. We then paved the way for Gen Z, who seem to be similarly anxious and depressed. We are the OG sick generation. This lines up with what an astrologer I saw noted, “Your generation really has so many ailments.” We have a charcuterie board of illnesses, especially when compared to older generations.
This of course also makes complete sense. We were the generation who was promised the world and in return got (and continue to get) slapped across the face. During our time, we have lived through countless “once-in-a-lifetime” events. It’s no wonder we’re all ill with a variety of ailments. It’s no wonder so many of us are struggling with mental illness.
I’m not itching to get off my Zoloft, but I do worry about its efficacy after having been on it for 20 years. Having been on it for this long also puts me at higher risk for osteoporosis, which I only just found out about this past week. I don’t feel that the medication is doing much, if anything, but I don’t know this for certain. The only way to find out would be to decrease or to wean off completely, but this presents its own horror. The withdrawal symptoms of SSRIs can be scary. I’ve read message boards of people writing about the terrifying sounding, “brain-zaps” that happen. I’ve read how people can’t sleep. I’ve read how some people end up having to increase their med, because the withdrawal was so uncomfortable. All of this dulls any resolve I have to try it for myself, even though I would do it much more slowly than what is typically recommended.
I’m grateful this med saved my life. But I’m no longer 17. I’m not sure I need it to save me anymore. I’m not sure that it is.
I don’t want to continue taking something if it doesn’t feel like it’s helping. I met with my psychiatrist this past week and told her my feelings about this. She said, “So, you’re still feeling anxious?” I replied, “Well, I don’t know if it’s anxiety, ptsd, or just being neurodivergent. Two out of three of those things you can’t really medicate away anyways.” Truthfully, my anxiety is fairly low considering the state of the world and my own life. But also: I am a trauma survivor and I am neurodivergent, so living in this world is never going to be easy for me. Having a Somatic Experiencing practitioner has been extremely helpful in navigating all of this. I also know that I am not like other people, and yet, I am very much like other neurodivergent folks, which makes me feel at ease.
I am not planning to decrease my meds just yet, but I am thinking about it. I’m also feeling all my feelings about the lack of choice I had when I was 17. If anything, I’m at least feeling empowered now as an adult to do what’s best for me and my body; to know that I know what’s best for me and my body.
I’m working on mending the relationship I had with my body at 17 and now at 37. I’m hopeful that the trust I’m building with all parts of me is growing stronger each day.
I feel this trust sparkle down to my bones.
🎉 Mood Board for the Week
Bed Rotting and Loud Quitting -
Midwesterners are not used to air quality alerts and it’s been really bad here
I just ordered a Christmas diamond painting kit because, well, I have my reasons
I also just ordered an air purifier because I don’t have one and I dream about how great it would be if the government would give everyone a free one
You Can Still Have Fun, Even During Pandemics and Climate Emergencies -
Dreaming of living in Duluth in a small cozy cottage house
Planned Parenthood will start offering abortion services again in Wisconsin, if ruling allows
Missing exes, and allowing myself to feel it, but not in a sad/shitty way
Reading a fiction book about Icelandic midwives. In 2013, Icelanders voted for the most beautiful word in their language and it was ljósmóður, which is “midwife” and translates to “mother of light.”
I truly love the community here and get very excited to see you all commenting here or in the chat. Thank you for being here with me!
Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s so important we talk more about withdrawal symptoms. For disclosure I’m a child and adolescent psychiatrist (hello- love your work!!) and it’s worth folks also knowing that not everybody experiences withdrawal symptoms. But many do especially if on meds for a while and at decent doses. If anybody is thinking about tapering down, please discuss with your psychiatrist/prescribing doctor-it’s always best done as a team, with careful monitoring :)
Oh man, I was on Cymbalta for my fibromyalgia for only a couple of years, and it took me eight months to wean off it! Eventually I was taking a fraction of a tablet every other Saturday - because if I missed that I'd get the brain zaps! Just. What the fuck. I'm grateful I had a nutritionist and internal medicine doc to help me out or I probably would have been told to just deal rather than weaning super slowly. They were adamant that brain zaps were not okay, and they helped me be patient while it took for-fucking-ever. It's infuriating how little we get told about what our meds can do to us.