What's that word?

Writing a book when you have Language Processing Disorder

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by Mario Wagner

I laugh about it. It seems too cruel. I’m a writer who struggles with language.

I was diagnosed with Language Processing Disorder in third grade, so I’ve lived with it longer than I haven’t. LPD is defined as:

a type of learning disability that affects an individual’s ability to understand, express, and process language… People with LPD have difficulty in understanding and using spoken and written language, which can make communication and learning challenging… LPD is primarily concerned with how the brain processes spoken or written language… People with LPD struggle to comprehend the meaning of words, sentences, and narratives because they find it challenging to process the information they receive.

There are two types of LPD: Expressive and Receptive. I have a mix of both. My LPD shows up in the following ways:

(Expressive)

• Use a lot of filler words: “um,” “like,” “stuff,” “things” instead of specific words

• Confuse verb tenses

• Repeat phrases when telling a story or answering a question

• Difficulty learning new words

• Word Recall issues; words are constantly stuck “at the tip of my tongue”

• Often seem frustrated by their inability to communicate thoughts

(Receptive)

• Difficulty following directions

• Misunderstand what is asked

• Difficulty getting jokes

It’s a fun time over here, except when it’s not.

I knew writing a book would be difficult. I also knew that my LPD would make writing a book exponentionally more difficult. Knowing these things doesn’t help, and I have often questioned, “Why did I want to do this?”

One of my biggest “symptoms” of LPD is word recall. This particular issue is making book writing feel neverending. Yesterday, as I was working on one of my chapters, I couldn’t think of the word “creative.” I was attempting to write a sentence about being creative in doing something a new way. I had the familiar feeling of the word being at the tip of my tongue. I could taste its texture, but couldn’t find it.

I almost called my mom. Typically, when I’m really struggling with word recall, I’ll call my mom and ask, “What’s that word that means this?” She’ll run through some words, and usually she’ll say the word that I’m wanting, but sometimes she doesn’t. I sometimes call my dad. The problem is my dad also has LPD. It’s hilarious when we’re in a conversation together. When he can’t recall a specific word, I usually know which word he is looking for. When I can’t recall a specific word, he seems to know the one I’m looking for. Sometimes we both can’t recall the word, laugh, and move on.

As I was digging deeply into my brain for the word “Creative,” I started to get extremely annoyed. Why brain, why?! I need to finish the fucking book! When I have word recall issues, the entire process takes about 3-5 minutes. To me, in the moment, it feels like wasted time. Time I could have used to keep writing. As a child, this was especially difficult because of my lack of patience. I wanted to keep going; keep talking, keep writing. I didn’t want to skip a beat.

However, what LPD, and more specifically my word recall does, is allow myself a breather. It’s a forced time out that makes me gaze outside my window, look at the trees, and feel into my body.

I know the words will always come to me—maybe not the exact one I was looking for; maybe a word that fits even better.

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