I agree with your arguments against social media, but for the fact that there are people I really only interact with through those spaces. These people are in a liminal zone where we don’t email, text, or call each other at all or very often.
If I knew them in my real life, I keep following them (generally on Instagram) because I admire and enjoy the person they’ve become or we’ve come to share something (like chronic illness) that strengthens my feeling of community. And DMing an image or video that will resonate with them feels like a love-language of sorts. Images of affirmation? Quality time fragments? Something along those lines.
If I don’t know someone from my real life, whether I’ve worked with them or found their content and we’ve become casual friends with occasional moments of poignancy, I’ll absolutely DM when appropriate to check in when things are difficult or to say a more personal congratulations than feels appropriate for a comment. If it’s someone whose thoughts align with my own and we follow and respect each other and share each other’s content, that’s an affirming relationship in itself that feels healthy. And sometimes it’s that person’s following that I need in my life--the people who feel so close to me, even if we’ll never meet again.
Hell, I met one of my ex-girlfriends exactly ONCE, when she came to my city from the west coast to tour colleges. The rest of our 9-month relationship consisted of lingering over each other’s IG posts, DMing when we could, and calling each other on Instagram so we could see each other. We said “I love you” on Instagram. We broke up and made up on Instagram. We broke up for the last time on Instagram. When she ultimately moved here for school and lost her beloved cat, I DMed her on Instagram to express my condolences (luckily, the cat came back). She apologized for treating me badly on Instagram and said she missed me, but I didn’t respond with a message of my own. And three months later, I found out via Instagram that she’d gotten married. Then I cut the cord, except for one instance when I asked her some questions about being trans and taking hormones (I’ve deliberated about microdosing T for a few years now). But our entire long-distance, semi-long-term relationship was on Instagram, setting aside the night we met.
I’ve become familiar with authors of my favorite books on Twitter, people who I champion, I chat with, and I check in on when they’re suffering. I recommend their books. I celebrate their accomplishments. I’ve asked them to read samples of my WIP to get an idea (outside of a workshop situation) of whether or not my stuff is working, if it’s ‘good.’ Some of those people are friendly, some have enormous followings and don’t often ‘hear’ me over the noise on their feeds, some encourage me, and others are people that, when I meet them for the first time, I know I’ll just want to run and hug.
I generally don’t use Facebook except for big, life announcements and all my posts there are public.
Do I think all those platforms are toxic in their own unique and monstrous ways? Absolutely. The algorithm on Instagram is atrocious (show me EVERYTHING, you unwashed a-hole!) and Twitter has the same problems, with the added headaches of making me angrier and sadder lately than almost anything could. Facebook feels like a desert where all oases are groups and any group could devolve into a multifaceted mean spirit. And I just can’t stand Snapchat or TikTok, but would love to start a podcast with a corresponding YouTube channel.
Do I also think that everyone can find a balance for personal use that works for them? Yes, especially if you decide not to take part in everything.
But I was once a full-time freelance writer and I used my personal Facebook, my Facebook page, Facebook groups, Instagram posts, Instagram stories, scheduled tweets, LinkedIn posts...The Works. And that drained me, especially all the hatred coming my way.
Now I have a new job that I’ll want to create content about (not for the nonprofit, but just because the philosophy and process saved my life and I want to spread awareness), and I’m thinking about how I can do that without it meshing with my ‘regular life stuff’ that’s not as palatable sometimes. I’m realizing my personal stuff will have to be completely separate (and tricky to find) whereas I might need new Instagram and Twitter accounts, and maybe adding in some TikTok content or YouTube stuff or a way to post sound bites somewhere.
Using social media for the personal can definitely be tricky, but once you’re using it for a cause, a side-gig, or professional reasons it feels inevitable that you’ll experience backlash, your mental health will suffer, and the passion you once felt for the topic/work will dwindle under the weight of the responsibility and comments/replies alone--though there are so many other things I could mention.
I believe it does more harm than good. Some of the sick shit people say is disturbing at age 37, let alone 14. I’ve been banned from most of them for being too progressively “radical” liberal political whatever. So I’m done with them. I Snapchat my cats to people once in awhile. I’m glad I didn’t have that shit when I was going through puberty. I might not even be here if I had.
I agree with your arguments against social media, but for the fact that there are people I really only interact with through those spaces. These people are in a liminal zone where we don’t email, text, or call each other at all or very often.
If I knew them in my real life, I keep following them (generally on Instagram) because I admire and enjoy the person they’ve become or we’ve come to share something (like chronic illness) that strengthens my feeling of community. And DMing an image or video that will resonate with them feels like a love-language of sorts. Images of affirmation? Quality time fragments? Something along those lines.
If I don’t know someone from my real life, whether I’ve worked with them or found their content and we’ve become casual friends with occasional moments of poignancy, I’ll absolutely DM when appropriate to check in when things are difficult or to say a more personal congratulations than feels appropriate for a comment. If it’s someone whose thoughts align with my own and we follow and respect each other and share each other’s content, that’s an affirming relationship in itself that feels healthy. And sometimes it’s that person’s following that I need in my life--the people who feel so close to me, even if we’ll never meet again.
Hell, I met one of my ex-girlfriends exactly ONCE, when she came to my city from the west coast to tour colleges. The rest of our 9-month relationship consisted of lingering over each other’s IG posts, DMing when we could, and calling each other on Instagram so we could see each other. We said “I love you” on Instagram. We broke up and made up on Instagram. We broke up for the last time on Instagram. When she ultimately moved here for school and lost her beloved cat, I DMed her on Instagram to express my condolences (luckily, the cat came back). She apologized for treating me badly on Instagram and said she missed me, but I didn’t respond with a message of my own. And three months later, I found out via Instagram that she’d gotten married. Then I cut the cord, except for one instance when I asked her some questions about being trans and taking hormones (I’ve deliberated about microdosing T for a few years now). But our entire long-distance, semi-long-term relationship was on Instagram, setting aside the night we met.
I’ve become familiar with authors of my favorite books on Twitter, people who I champion, I chat with, and I check in on when they’re suffering. I recommend their books. I celebrate their accomplishments. I’ve asked them to read samples of my WIP to get an idea (outside of a workshop situation) of whether or not my stuff is working, if it’s ‘good.’ Some of those people are friendly, some have enormous followings and don’t often ‘hear’ me over the noise on their feeds, some encourage me, and others are people that, when I meet them for the first time, I know I’ll just want to run and hug.
I generally don’t use Facebook except for big, life announcements and all my posts there are public.
Do I think all those platforms are toxic in their own unique and monstrous ways? Absolutely. The algorithm on Instagram is atrocious (show me EVERYTHING, you unwashed a-hole!) and Twitter has the same problems, with the added headaches of making me angrier and sadder lately than almost anything could. Facebook feels like a desert where all oases are groups and any group could devolve into a multifaceted mean spirit. And I just can’t stand Snapchat or TikTok, but would love to start a podcast with a corresponding YouTube channel.
Do I also think that everyone can find a balance for personal use that works for them? Yes, especially if you decide not to take part in everything.
But I was once a full-time freelance writer and I used my personal Facebook, my Facebook page, Facebook groups, Instagram posts, Instagram stories, scheduled tweets, LinkedIn posts...The Works. And that drained me, especially all the hatred coming my way.
Now I have a new job that I’ll want to create content about (not for the nonprofit, but just because the philosophy and process saved my life and I want to spread awareness), and I’m thinking about how I can do that without it meshing with my ‘regular life stuff’ that’s not as palatable sometimes. I’m realizing my personal stuff will have to be completely separate (and tricky to find) whereas I might need new Instagram and Twitter accounts, and maybe adding in some TikTok content or YouTube stuff or a way to post sound bites somewhere.
Using social media for the personal can definitely be tricky, but once you’re using it for a cause, a side-gig, or professional reasons it feels inevitable that you’ll experience backlash, your mental health will suffer, and the passion you once felt for the topic/work will dwindle under the weight of the responsibility and comments/replies alone--though there are so many other things I could mention.
You’re seen and heard 🖤
I believe it does more harm than good. Some of the sick shit people say is disturbing at age 37, let alone 14. I’ve been banned from most of them for being too progressively “radical” liberal political whatever. So I’m done with them. I Snapchat my cats to people once in awhile. I’m glad I didn’t have that shit when I was going through puberty. I might not even be here if I had.