“Just like I tried to fit in with the popular girls in middle school and high school, I’m now trying to fit in with the popular marxists, anarchists, and feminists online and off. I don’t like this.” Ahhhh thank you for putting this into words. I feel this so hard. I feel like I never fit in and also struggle with IG / only use it minimally at
this point but struggle with where / how / why to share my writing and where it “belongs” too. That being said, I so resonate with your writing and can’t wait to read your book 💕
I don’t think you should sweat your insta presence much. Try getting your work out to leftists feminist YouTubers, they’ll use contemporary work in their videos and name drop books and that’s mainly how I find out about new books about society type genres. I find YouTube to be more engaging with its long form, that creators can really go in on your work and viewers are more than scrollers and will get invested in your work and actually order it. Alice Capelle is a good one! Instagram is just so fast that I feel like people just barely engage with content these days.
Wow I deleted my Instagram account today. I took screenshots of old photos to archive memories I didn’t have saved elsewhere. I smoked a j and thought back to my professors in Prague who lived through the Cold War being spied on and it made me feel nervous having all that social media but truly i deleted it for the meaningless time I was spending on it. Seeing so many pictures of people that I followed from my past to hate-view their lives from the suburbs to the cities doing basic things like getting married, etc not giving a crap about climate change or racism. I enjoyed the leftists spaces but some of them were toxic and nothing was being accomplished from them. I read Digital Minimalism and was very convinced to give up social media. I might delete Facebook but it has so many photos to save. I just hate that I’m following people that back in the day, people just wouldn’t be able to keep up with but instead I see achievement culture posted online.
"But I can’t shake the feeling of wanting more—wanting actual, genuine, reciprocal community."
This. So much this. I have never had a big SM following, but even my small personal connections can feel disconnected in online spaces. At one point, before I deleted Facebook, I had something close to 500 'friends' and yet no more than two of three people ever left comments or anything beyond an emoji button click on most of what I posted.
I've been working deliberately to make more in-person connections and move conversations from social media platforms that encourage little more than a button click to text messaging and physically spending time together. It's been helping some, but it's a slow road as it often feels like others are fine to go along with the SM algorithms, although more likely they aren't even thinking about it.
i feel like i could have written this post. part of what frustrates me so much abt the effort of trying to grow is that i don’t always have enough to invest in others the way i want to, or more importantly, in the ways that *they* need the most. but it has to be possible somehow, so i keep trying. im grateful that you are here. 🙏🏿✨
Chiming in as someone who feels lucky to have had decent communities in the various places I've lived, but even amidst that feelings of being left out were almost *always* present. There were popular kids at DePaul I never felt part of, there was a higher tier of cool kids in grad school (even though i was parter of the wider circle, there was like a second layer of untouchable that felt very BAD to witness from afar), and even on a smaller scale I have a friendship here that made me cry for days when I realized this friend got closer to someone else (who we both know) and that I wasn't ever invited when they hung out. It's such a human feeling to want to belong! I'm sending love and also gratitude that we're part of online friendship/community. <3
As for IG I'm loving being off (agree with the other comment here about creativity thriving without the app) but sort of ironically I'm already imaginging that when I return I'm gonna, like, go hard. Part of me is like: the app is 99% not worth it if it's not helping my writing career, so if I'm not trying to play the game (which I relaly don't right now) why would I go back? So....we'll see what happens.
So much love to you!!! Thank you for sharing this. I'm so grateful we know each other and have a lil online thing going!
And yes, so true about this: "the app is 99% not worth it if it's not helping my writing career." I think I need to be less afraid of "advertising" the stuff I'm doing/working on. I get so in my head about it though and just want to hide.
i’m glad you’re here ♥️ followed you over from IG when you first announced your new newsletter, and i don’t comment much but i’m glad to read you every time. and i’m basically completely off IG at this point, and so happy to have sub stacks to engage with.
Athena put it perfectly at the end, you write as your authentic self and that will impact someone else's authentic self.
I don't mean that you feeling a lack of belonging has to help someone else but I do think people will relate to this alot. A topic that you're so open about here, it's refreshing although of course I wish you didn't feel that way.
Your authenticity shines through and I only hope you feel a belonging somewhere that's right for you. People do want to hear what you have to say, though I know that's easy for me to say.
Thank you for sharing raw, honest feelings. 🙏 you are heard
I also had a delete then re-install phase of wanting and trying to get rid of insta. I got better at not re-installing, but every few weeks I’d peak on my browser (oops) now I can confidently and honestly say I haven’t been on instagram in 2 months and part of it has been—exactly what you said- finding community!! For me, it was about engaging more often with my non-internet community. I know this is easier said than done, especially because I don’t rely on social media as a means to grow readership and thus grow my livelihood. All that being said, I do feel better not being on it. I read more books with my free time, I had a very long TBR list and an equally high average screen time when I was using socials, but getting off of them is actually what encouraged me to read more and then write about my thoughts. I don’t intend to grow a readership I just think it’s helpful to get your thoughts into a physical space. Right now I find it interesting that getting off socials, which I used to think encouraged more ideas, was actually something, that once gone, helped my creative juices flow more easily and with greater authenticity!! I think I was finally able to put pen to paper(fingers to keyboard lol) because I now don’t spend any time worrying about what other people want ( I can’t see what they want or write or repost — even on here I stay in my inbox to get updates from who I’m subscribed too without feeling overwhelmed by Notes). I’ve been following you for a while now, and want to remind you that what you write as your authentic self will impact someone else’s authentic self and those are the readers that will buy your book—and we will be buying your book! :)
This part is soooo true: "Right now I find it interesting that getting off socials, which I used to think encouraged more ideas, was actually something, that once gone, helped my creative juices flow more easily and with greater authenticity!!" And thank you for being here and sharing all this with me <3
“Just like I tried to fit in with the popular girls in middle school and high school, I’m now trying to fit in with the popular marxists, anarchists, and feminists online and off. I don’t like this.” Ahhhh thank you for putting this into words. I feel this so hard. I feel like I never fit in and also struggle with IG / only use it minimally at
this point but struggle with where / how / why to share my writing and where it “belongs” too. That being said, I so resonate with your writing and can’t wait to read your book 💕
Thanks so much for being here, Caitlin!
I don’t think you should sweat your insta presence much. Try getting your work out to leftists feminist YouTubers, they’ll use contemporary work in their videos and name drop books and that’s mainly how I find out about new books about society type genres. I find YouTube to be more engaging with its long form, that creators can really go in on your work and viewers are more than scrollers and will get invested in your work and actually order it. Alice Capelle is a good one! Instagram is just so fast that I feel like people just barely engage with content these days.
Wow I deleted my Instagram account today. I took screenshots of old photos to archive memories I didn’t have saved elsewhere. I smoked a j and thought back to my professors in Prague who lived through the Cold War being spied on and it made me feel nervous having all that social media but truly i deleted it for the meaningless time I was spending on it. Seeing so many pictures of people that I followed from my past to hate-view their lives from the suburbs to the cities doing basic things like getting married, etc not giving a crap about climate change or racism. I enjoyed the leftists spaces but some of them were toxic and nothing was being accomplished from them. I read Digital Minimalism and was very convinced to give up social media. I might delete Facebook but it has so many photos to save. I just hate that I’m following people that back in the day, people just wouldn’t be able to keep up with but instead I see achievement culture posted online.
"But I can’t shake the feeling of wanting more—wanting actual, genuine, reciprocal community."
This. So much this. I have never had a big SM following, but even my small personal connections can feel disconnected in online spaces. At one point, before I deleted Facebook, I had something close to 500 'friends' and yet no more than two of three people ever left comments or anything beyond an emoji button click on most of what I posted.
I've been working deliberately to make more in-person connections and move conversations from social media platforms that encourage little more than a button click to text messaging and physically spending time together. It's been helping some, but it's a slow road as it often feels like others are fine to go along with the SM algorithms, although more likely they aren't even thinking about it.
Anyway. I will buy your book. Absolutely.
I so appreciate you!!!
I appreciate you! Your work in the world has helped me express myself more clearly.
i feel like i could have written this post. part of what frustrates me so much abt the effort of trying to grow is that i don’t always have enough to invest in others the way i want to, or more importantly, in the ways that *they* need the most. but it has to be possible somehow, so i keep trying. im grateful that you are here. 🙏🏿✨
Chiming in as someone who feels lucky to have had decent communities in the various places I've lived, but even amidst that feelings of being left out were almost *always* present. There were popular kids at DePaul I never felt part of, there was a higher tier of cool kids in grad school (even though i was parter of the wider circle, there was like a second layer of untouchable that felt very BAD to witness from afar), and even on a smaller scale I have a friendship here that made me cry for days when I realized this friend got closer to someone else (who we both know) and that I wasn't ever invited when they hung out. It's such a human feeling to want to belong! I'm sending love and also gratitude that we're part of online friendship/community. <3
As for IG I'm loving being off (agree with the other comment here about creativity thriving without the app) but sort of ironically I'm already imaginging that when I return I'm gonna, like, go hard. Part of me is like: the app is 99% not worth it if it's not helping my writing career, so if I'm not trying to play the game (which I relaly don't right now) why would I go back? So....we'll see what happens.
So much love to you!!! Thank you for sharing this. I'm so grateful we know each other and have a lil online thing going!
And yes, so true about this: "the app is 99% not worth it if it's not helping my writing career." I think I need to be less afraid of "advertising" the stuff I'm doing/working on. I get so in my head about it though and just want to hide.
i’m glad you’re here ♥️ followed you over from IG when you first announced your new newsletter, and i don’t comment much but i’m glad to read you every time. and i’m basically completely off IG at this point, and so happy to have sub stacks to engage with.
Thank you so much for being here, Holly ❤️
Athena put it perfectly at the end, you write as your authentic self and that will impact someone else's authentic self.
I don't mean that you feeling a lack of belonging has to help someone else but I do think people will relate to this alot. A topic that you're so open about here, it's refreshing although of course I wish you didn't feel that way.
Your authenticity shines through and I only hope you feel a belonging somewhere that's right for you. People do want to hear what you have to say, though I know that's easy for me to say.
Thank you for sharing raw, honest feelings. 🙏 you are heard
Wow, thank you so much for this, Hannah! Appreciate you!
You're so welcome 🙏
I also had a delete then re-install phase of wanting and trying to get rid of insta. I got better at not re-installing, but every few weeks I’d peak on my browser (oops) now I can confidently and honestly say I haven’t been on instagram in 2 months and part of it has been—exactly what you said- finding community!! For me, it was about engaging more often with my non-internet community. I know this is easier said than done, especially because I don’t rely on social media as a means to grow readership and thus grow my livelihood. All that being said, I do feel better not being on it. I read more books with my free time, I had a very long TBR list and an equally high average screen time when I was using socials, but getting off of them is actually what encouraged me to read more and then write about my thoughts. I don’t intend to grow a readership I just think it’s helpful to get your thoughts into a physical space. Right now I find it interesting that getting off socials, which I used to think encouraged more ideas, was actually something, that once gone, helped my creative juices flow more easily and with greater authenticity!! I think I was finally able to put pen to paper(fingers to keyboard lol) because I now don’t spend any time worrying about what other people want ( I can’t see what they want or write or repost — even on here I stay in my inbox to get updates from who I’m subscribed too without feeling overwhelmed by Notes). I’ve been following you for a while now, and want to remind you that what you write as your authentic self will impact someone else’s authentic self and those are the readers that will buy your book—and we will be buying your book! :)
This part is soooo true: "Right now I find it interesting that getting off socials, which I used to think encouraged more ideas, was actually something, that once gone, helped my creative juices flow more easily and with greater authenticity!!" And thank you for being here and sharing all this with me <3
Thanks for the webinar link on supporting public libraries—-what a great idea!