What is this thing?
an introduction (or reintroduction) to my work
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Recently
wrote a great post (she writes many great posts, by the way) about reintroducing their work on Substack. I’d like to do that for this week’s newsletter as my Substack has grown to 5,516 subscribers (83 paid)! Thank you all for being here!Some people (most people?) know me from an online community I created in 2011 that primarily lived on Facebook and then Instagram (in 2013) called Guerrilla Feminism (and later called The Guerrilla Feminist). You’ll have to buy my book for the massive backstory. But, essentially, it was just a me-thing, then more people wanted to be involved, then it briefly became a nonprofit, and then not. I only recently was able to change the Instagram handle to my name (because I no longer wanted to be a brand—I never did). The work of GF was to get people interested in feminism, specifically feminism that I referred to as “Guerrilla.” This wasn’t liberal cupcake feminism. This wasn’t white feminism. It was loud, brash, angry, and rightfully so. From 2011 to 2018, I did a lot in online spaces and I burned out.
I had always been a blogger. I had a LiveJournal in my late teens/early 20s. Before that, I usually had a journal I wrote in. I wrote my first poem at age 7. Writing was something I felt I could do when I was told I couldn’t do much else (due to ableism and learning disability shit—you can read about that in my forthcoming book, too).
I’m still a “guerrilla feminist,” but I’ve expanded what I like to write about and think about. Granted, my Tumblr education in social justice issues as well as my master’s degree in Women & Gender Studies obviously plays a role in how I think about things.
In Raechel’s post from last week, she talks about the “the Johnny Cash school of obsession.” This is the idea that “artists’ really only write about three things their entire careers.” There’s more to it and more background, so I suggest reading Raechel’s post! It’s difficult for me to think of only three themes that my work is mainly about, but I realized quickly that one is the name of my newsletter.
Rage & Softness (and various dualities) have always interested me. As a Sagittarius stellium, I have a lot of fire inside of me. This can be problematic when I don’t have an outlet. Underneath most of my rage, there is softness. Likewise, underneath my softness is a rage building or simmering. I’m not sure which posts to link to that would encompass “Rage & Softness,” because I think they all do—to some extent.
Most of the time I write in a way that comes across as angry and hostile (you should have seen me during the prime GF years). I don’t do this on purpose; I just can’t always slow down my thinking enough to come up with softer words or sentences. I am explicit and blunt and those traits have gotten me in hot shit plenty of times, some warranted, some not (offline and online). I think what some people miss about my work is that, again, underneath that hostility, the anger, is a lot of sadness. This sadness feels soft and vulnerable, and to bring in astrology again, I blame it on my Capricorn moon. I have a difficult time letting people who know me see me fall apart, see me needing help, witness that I don’t, in fact, have it all together.
The second topic that comes up a lot in my work is Disability & Ableism. I have known I was disabled since I was in third grade and diagnosed with two learning disabilities. I’ve received more diagnoses over the years, including: SPD, PMDD, CPTSD, and GAD. Labels aren’t always helpful, but these things make up who I am in a lot of ways. Posts that reflect this theme include:
The third topic I write the most about is the Internet & Ambivalence. I am chronically online, I consume a lot of pop culture (and like to deconstruct it), and I also feel like it’s a waste of my time (it’s not, really, but that thought comes up a lot for me). Celebrity intrigues me—abolishing it intrigues me more. My ambivalence about a lot of things in life is something I continue to investigate, even if it’s uncomfortable. I like blending feminist theory with celebrity bullshit. It often feels more fun to write about pop culture than my trauma. Some posts that reflect this:
So I guess those are my three: Rage & Softness, Disability & Ableism, and Internet & Ambivalence. What do you write about? Tell me your top three in the comments!
A man was lynched last night -
Why Orthodox Jews opposed to Jewish nationalism join anti-genocide protests in the US - Arvind Dilawar
Israel’s Tally of War Crimes in Lebanon Increases in Wake of Exploding Pagers - Marjorie Cohn
Soft Magic: Rituals For Healing -
I Wrote a Trans Memoir Without Even Knowing It (at First) - Oliver Radclyffe
“Only hearts break are the ones that speak”
I relate so hard to the rage and softness—I often don't actually feel angry when people accuse me of being angry. What I am feeling is sadness, grief, and pain at injustice that seems so entirely pointless. I can understand why a person will side with billionaires and vote for whiteness and align with the patriarchy over collective liberation, but the reasoning is so basic and flawed it frustrates me and hurts my heart.
Anyway, this is just to say, I always felt the softness, the sadness, in the things you posted.
Love this, perfect choices that encompass the reflective gifts you've offered through your writing. <3