"Zia, Zia, Zia"

On children and being an auntie

by Henriëtte Beks, Art HC

Dear Readers,

I have other things I’m working on, but nothing is quite ready and I have family visiting this week (my brother, sister-in-law, and 2-year-old nephew), so I thought I would write a bit about my precious nephew. A year ago at this exact time, I was out in San Francisco visiting him. I was unable to be present due to relationship turmoil. It was not the best trip.

This time around, I am single, I am present, and oh so grateful. My routine has been quite different this week. Each day, we go to the park twice, we play, we maybe go to the library or the children’s museum. We talk. We can’t always understand each other, but that doesn’t matter. The pace of toddler life is fast—which can be hard for a neurodivergent, traumatized auntie, but I’m trying my damndest to keep up. My nephew is the sweetest most caring human. When he calls me “Zia,” (Italian for auntie) it feels so right and I feel my heart expand. He loves nature and animals and his parents. He is amazing to witness.

Children know so much about pleasure and play. They know so much about the world that we as adults end up forgetting or burying. Sometimes I daydream about living in a world that celebrates pleasure, play, and expression—a world that feels safe enough to be fully who you are and to share that with others.

During this trip, I’m reminded of my own childhood and the many hurdles that came with it. I’m reminded that I didn’t get much of a childhood (working this out still in my somatic therapy). I’m reminded of how I felt (and still feel) responsible for everyone and everything. I don’t want that for my nephew. Witnessing his joy is as warming as my favorite cup of herbal tea. I never want his joy to be taken from him like mine was. I’m learning from him how to reclaim my joy.

I can’t imagine a world without this sunbeam of a human. It’s like he has always existed. I can’t imagine loving anyone more than I love him.

He has my heart, soul, and guts. Forever.

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🎉 Mood Board for the Week

1. The way my nephew says “Zia” to me (auntie in Italian)

2. I so appreciate this Instagram account

3. At UW-Madison, a horse gets better parental leave than humans

4. I talked about shame with Ely Kreimendahl on her podcast. Check it out on Spotify or Apple!

5. Homebody Club
   has a great post about glimmers, which is something I hold space for here once a month for paid subscribers.

6. Virginia hid execution files from the public. Here's what they don't want you to see

7. The Blessing of Being Mediocre -

   Marlee Grace

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