This is so relatable - the social media part of it, but also the example of vacillating between two extremes. I'm constantly needing to remind my all-or-nothing brain of the millions of iterations in between the extremes that exist, in life, but in my business especially. It's not just "it's working" or "it's not working". It's more about defining what "working" even means, and allowing space for the bazillion shades of grey to be OK too.
So relatable. I deleted Facebook many years ago after a lot of back and forth in my head about the "need" to have a Facebook page for my writing and art postings. But when I was honest with myself, my "audience" on my page was...the exact same as my personal account (with extremely high security settings that I had to go in and change for anyone new to 'Friend' me).
At the time, I also didn't have a lot of in-person community, but I was also hyper aware that everytime I posted to FB seekign the dopamine hit of connection I ended up disappointed. Barely anyone ever commented on anything I posted. I felt this shifting on Insta at the same time too. Where before, friends and fam used to comment on my images, suddenly all I was getting were likes and hearts. There was no connection, just the illusion of connection, and the hangover from that hurt more than the initial feeling of loneliness that led me to post things.
So I deleted Facebook and pretty much stopped using Twitter. But I kept Insta and made the commitment to use it more intentionally. I refused to let myself 'heart' more than four posts in a row without leaving a comment on one, aiming to practice the kind of actual connection I longed for. This worked pretty well until it didn't. Mostly because it seems like Insta just started going HARD on ads and suddenly every second post on my feed was trying to sell me something. I stopped looking at anything beyond Stories because it's hard to actually see content from people I know in the feed anymore.
I still hold out there though for the same reason as you. Yes, you *can* get a book deal sometimes without a following, but it's unlikely. Extra slim chance. And I don't want to run a media company (which is what being an influencer is), I want to write and make art. I also hate that Insta is making money off of everything I share, as my audience is just eyeballs for them to throw advertising at. It makes me feel weird every time I share something.
Like, I'm aware we are all caught in the same vortex that tells us we are missing out by not being on these platforms (which isn't not true because there are so many events I cannot learn about because they are only shared on Facebook) and that vortex benefits billionaires over and over. My wrestling with social media is that it is always good for my heart and mind when I leave a platform, but I can't see it being beneficial on any societal level unless we all do a mass strike of refusing to use the platforms.
That being said, I am more intentional about building local, in-person community and I don't feel the loneliness that led me to question my use of FB anymore.
Extremely relatable, friend! I've never had a big audience on social media, and I've sort of let go of aspiring for that--- I'm grateful that even with a small platform, I was able to publish a book with an indie press. And yet! Wow do I compare and compare and compare! I mainly stew over writers who don't have to work other jobs, it becomes deep working-class-rooted resentment-fueled comparison. But I also get existential about being almost-40 and only having one book out and blah blah blah...It's a lot! I'm not sure I'll ever be cured of this, but I do really believe in the value of being present in moments that distract you from that (for me that's being in nature, working out, watching a good movie/TV show, or reading a good book; and thankfully, being in the flow of writing is still possible without all the haunting judgements)...It's when I step away from any of those things that the mean voices get loud. I think it's a win if we can find ways to make *most* of our life present in the things that feel good, and maybe do some radical acceptance around the harder parts? Idk, still chewing on it....
I feel the same. I've been doing the comparison trap with Substack more than Instagram though. At least I can get a handle of myself on Instagram because it's just an app. I feel like I need a break from Substack because it has me wondering again.
Riding the fence in anyway, being in the middle of a feeling is unnerving.....you have a lot to offer in whatever way this ends up....I do understand needing and liking alone time....I have only had 2 or 3 friends as I got older.... everything changes...,that's what I get stuck on.....all I know is that I'm glad I stumbled on you......Social media is a double edged 🗡️, necessary evil and I myself dont know the answer either.......be yourself...
This is so relatable - the social media part of it, but also the example of vacillating between two extremes. I'm constantly needing to remind my all-or-nothing brain of the millions of iterations in between the extremes that exist, in life, but in my business especially. It's not just "it's working" or "it's not working". It's more about defining what "working" even means, and allowing space for the bazillion shades of grey to be OK too.
So relatable. I deleted Facebook many years ago after a lot of back and forth in my head about the "need" to have a Facebook page for my writing and art postings. But when I was honest with myself, my "audience" on my page was...the exact same as my personal account (with extremely high security settings that I had to go in and change for anyone new to 'Friend' me).
At the time, I also didn't have a lot of in-person community, but I was also hyper aware that everytime I posted to FB seekign the dopamine hit of connection I ended up disappointed. Barely anyone ever commented on anything I posted. I felt this shifting on Insta at the same time too. Where before, friends and fam used to comment on my images, suddenly all I was getting were likes and hearts. There was no connection, just the illusion of connection, and the hangover from that hurt more than the initial feeling of loneliness that led me to post things.
So I deleted Facebook and pretty much stopped using Twitter. But I kept Insta and made the commitment to use it more intentionally. I refused to let myself 'heart' more than four posts in a row without leaving a comment on one, aiming to practice the kind of actual connection I longed for. This worked pretty well until it didn't. Mostly because it seems like Insta just started going HARD on ads and suddenly every second post on my feed was trying to sell me something. I stopped looking at anything beyond Stories because it's hard to actually see content from people I know in the feed anymore.
I still hold out there though for the same reason as you. Yes, you *can* get a book deal sometimes without a following, but it's unlikely. Extra slim chance. And I don't want to run a media company (which is what being an influencer is), I want to write and make art. I also hate that Insta is making money off of everything I share, as my audience is just eyeballs for them to throw advertising at. It makes me feel weird every time I share something.
Like, I'm aware we are all caught in the same vortex that tells us we are missing out by not being on these platforms (which isn't not true because there are so many events I cannot learn about because they are only shared on Facebook) and that vortex benefits billionaires over and over. My wrestling with social media is that it is always good for my heart and mind when I leave a platform, but I can't see it being beneficial on any societal level unless we all do a mass strike of refusing to use the platforms.
That being said, I am more intentional about building local, in-person community and I don't feel the loneliness that led me to question my use of FB anymore.
Extremely relatable, friend! I've never had a big audience on social media, and I've sort of let go of aspiring for that--- I'm grateful that even with a small platform, I was able to publish a book with an indie press. And yet! Wow do I compare and compare and compare! I mainly stew over writers who don't have to work other jobs, it becomes deep working-class-rooted resentment-fueled comparison. But I also get existential about being almost-40 and only having one book out and blah blah blah...It's a lot! I'm not sure I'll ever be cured of this, but I do really believe in the value of being present in moments that distract you from that (for me that's being in nature, working out, watching a good movie/TV show, or reading a good book; and thankfully, being in the flow of writing is still possible without all the haunting judgements)...It's when I step away from any of those things that the mean voices get loud. I think it's a win if we can find ways to make *most* of our life present in the things that feel good, and maybe do some radical acceptance around the harder parts? Idk, still chewing on it....
I feel the same. I've been doing the comparison trap with Substack more than Instagram though. At least I can get a handle of myself on Instagram because it's just an app. I feel like I need a break from Substack because it has me wondering again.
Riding the fence in anyway, being in the middle of a feeling is unnerving.....you have a lot to offer in whatever way this ends up....I do understand needing and liking alone time....I have only had 2 or 3 friends as I got older.... everything changes...,that's what I get stuck on.....all I know is that I'm glad I stumbled on you......Social media is a double edged 🗡️, necessary evil and I myself dont know the answer either.......be yourself...